do not make other people's problems your own
acknowledge people's power withour giving away your own
never let yourself to be treated unworthily
do not overrate facts
do not over- rationalise
it is unimportant who starts a quarrel
our worth does not depend on our success
to be human means to be uncertain
there is no shame in making a mistake
i do what i can
everybody makes mistakes
perfection is not within our reach
one step at a time
turn small successes into big ones
fear less, hope more; whine less, breathe more; talk less, say more; hate less, love more; and all good things are yours
pain is inevitable. suffering is optional
golden rules of living - if you open it, close it. If you turn it one, turn it off. If you unlock it, lock it up. If you break, admit it. If you can't fix it, call in someone who can. If you borrow it, return it. If you value it, take care of it. If you make a mess, clean it up. If you move it, put it back. If it belongs to someone else and you want to use it, get permission. If you don't know how to operate it, leave it alone. If it's none of your business, don't ask questions. If it ain't broke, don't fix it. If it will brighten someone's day, say it. If it will tarnish someone's reputation, keep it to yourself.
agatha christie - curious things, habits. people themselves never knew they had them
publius syrus, writer of maxims in ancient rome- what valour cannot win, flattery may
henry ford - coming together is a beginning. Keeping together is progress. Working together is success.
soren kierkegaard, 19thc danish philosopher and theologian - life can only be understood backward, but it must be lived forward
w clement stone - to every disadvantage there is a corresponding advantage
michael jordan - If you are trying to achieve, there will be roadblocks. I've had them, everybody has had them. But obstacles done't have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don't turn around and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it.
rules of life
- learn to accept and transform own body from a mere vessel into a beloved partner and lifelong ally, as the relationship between a person and his/her body is the most fundamental and important relationship of his/her lifetime. It is the blueprint from which all your other relationships will be built. Make peace with it, so that it can effectively serve its purpose and share its valuable lessons of acceptance, self-esteem, respect and pleasure. Acceptance is the act of embracing what life presents to you with a good attitude
- self esteem is feeling worthy and able to meet life's challenges. A person will be tested over and over until one feel confident about who one are and understand and believe in own intrinsic value. Process to build self esteem three fold - first identify what stands in the way; then search soul for a deeper core connection with who you really are; third is to take action, whether that means valuing oneself just as one are or making a positive change. Self esteem is ephemeral. One will have it, lose it, cultivate it, nurture it, and be forced to rebuild it over and over again. It is not something to be achieved and preserved, but rather a lifelong process to be explored and cultivated.
- respect one's body means to hold it in high regard and honor it. Respect is treating own body with the same care you would give any other valuable and irreplaceable object.
- pleasure is like oil that keeps the machine of one's life running smoothly. Do what brings one pleasure and it will give lightness to heart and do wonder for soul
- align with own unique path by learning individual lessons
- openness - being receptive; remind oneself that one has a choice to control over resistance and deal with life's challenges
- choice - come from one's essence and an attunement with one's inner self
- fairness - move out of the complaining phrase of "it's not fair"
- grace - to be fully in tune with one's spiritual nature and a higher power that sustains a person - move from lower self to higher self, transcend ego and expand into greater good
- whether it is own wrongdoing or someone else's, a mistake is an opportunity to evolve further along one's spiritual path
- to ease the process of learning, must first master the basic lessons of compassion, forgiveness, ethics and humour
- compassion is the act of opening one's hear, approaching the world with emotional barriers lowered and ability to connect with others intact; it is the emotional glue that keeps one rooted in the universality of human experience. NOT walk around with hearts open wide all the time, key is to learn to control the erection or destruction of those barriers that create distance between you and others. Judgments are what keep one from walking around like an open membrane, open and exposed to whatever information you come in contact with - at times, it serve to help one decide what beliefs and thoughts one choose to let in from the outside wold and discern what is true for ownself. Need to first recognize when you have become trapped by your limiting judgments. Your conscious mind can also help identify when compassion is called for.
- forgiveness is the act of erasing an emotional debt, and engaging in a conscious and deliberate release of resentment. Four kinds: (1) beginner forgiveness for yourself; (2) beginner forgiveness of another; (3) advanced forgiveness of yourself; (4) advanced forgiveness of another - allow yourself to fully feel the hurt or anger so that you can release it, then view the situation as a necessary part of your path of spiritual evolution.
- morality is conforming to the established standards of right and wrong that have been set by the society in which you live. But ethical codes are not universal. At its most basic, ethics involves choosing right or good behaviour in your relationships with others. Life is complicated and full of gray ares. Each and every situation you find yourself in forces you to choose between the two.When your external actions reflect your internal code, you are in alignment with your morality. This is how an individual gains integrity.
- humor means learning to invite levity and amusement into situations that might otherwise be disastrous. Humor and laughter are also tremendously important in relationships.
- you will continually attract the same lesson into your life, you will also draw to your teachers to teach you that lesson until you get it right. The only way you can free yourself of difficult patterns and issues you tend to repeat is by shifting your perspective so that you can recognize the patterns and learn the lessons that they offer. The challenge is to identify and release the patterns that you are repeating. By identifying and releasing the pattern, you actually learn how to change: 1) awareness - becoming conscious of the issue 2) acknowledgement - admitting that you need to release the pattern 3) choice - actively selecting to release the pattern 4) strategy - creating a realistic plan; 5) commitment - taking action, aided by external accountability 6) celebration - rewarding yourself for succeeding
- no lasting change can be made, nor any pattern released permanently. In order to facilitate the process of change, you will need to learn the lesson of awareness, willingness, casuality and patience.
- awareness is the process of becoming fully conscious. Cultivating awareness is a lifelong process. Every moment presents you with the opportunity to remain awake or to slip into unconscious behaviour. The opportunity to learn the lesson of awareness is presented each time you feel a sense of discontent in your life. Pay attention to your feelings, simply noticing your behaviour, tools like meditation, journal writing, personal coaching, and therapy help
- if you truly want to change, you will choose to do it, and make a commitment to the process of it. However, if you rely on the thought that you should change, you will make the decision to do so and then you will feel the pinch of sacrifice. Following the current trends, the advice of friends, or the wishes of family members result in decisions; following your inner compass results in choice.
- casuality is the acknowledgement that you are the source of your manifestations.
- learning does not end
- patience is the display of tolerance while awaiting an outcome.
- there is no part of life that does not contain lesssons. If you are alive, there are lessons to be learned.
- embrace your role as a perpetual student of life. This means giving in to the idea that you actually don't know everything that you need to, and you never will. It also means that you need to convince your ego that being a student does not make you inferior.
- surrender is the transcendence of ego and release of control. When you surrender to your lessons that arise, you allow yourself to flow with the rhythm of life, rather than struggling against it. The key lies in surrendering to what is, rather than trying to create what you envision should be.
- commitment means devoting yourself to something or someone and staying with it - no matter what
- humility - confident yet modest sense of one's own merits, but also understanding own limitations
- flexibility - being adaptable to change. It is essential that you learn to bend and flex around every new circumstance, as rigidity robs you of the opportunity to see the freedom of new possibilities.
- focus on the present, and on what we have right now, while simultaneously holding the intention of future goals
- gratitude
- to be thankful for and appreciative of what you have and where you are on your path right now. Ways to cultivate gratitude - imagine what life would be if you lost all that you had; make a list each day of all that you are grateful for; spend time offering assistance to those who are less fortunate; look for the gift in each challenging incident
- unattachment
- release of need or expection association with a specific outcome. It is one of the cornerstone of buddhism. Being unattached does not mean being disinterested or removed; rather, it means remaining neutral in judgments of circumstances and in desire for a specific outcome. Steps: notice what you want and acknowledge the outcome you are attached to; imagine the ideal outcome of situation, and then imagine the worst case scenario; make a clear statement to the universe by writing out your desire or saying it out loud; in mind, create the image of you holding the intention lightly in the palm of your hand, with your figners held loosely open; mentally release the desire out into the universe
- abundance
- all things are possible and that there is more than enough of everything for everyone, right here and now. No amount of external objects, affection, love, or attention can ever fill an inner void. The void can only be filled by looking within. You already have and are enough; revel in your own interior abundance and you will never need to look elsewhere
- peace
- others are only mirrors of you
- mental and physical state of calm, quiet and tranquillity
- shift your perspective radically from judgment of other/outer to a lifelong exploration of self/inner; assess all the decisions, judgments, and projections you make onto others and to begin to view them as clues to how you can heal yourself and become whole
- tolerance - outward extension of acceptance
- clarity - state of seeing clearly, can be achieved by simply shifting perspective from other/outer to slef/inner
- healing - restoration to a state of wholeness and well-being, by other people's positive perceptions of us or through mirroring the present
- support- holding up from underneath, support someone when you willingly step forward to strengthen, energise, and help her through a challenging time
- create and own your own reality
- responsibility - admit your accountability and acknowledge your influence and role in the circumstances in which you find yourself. It means you are answerable for your behaviour and you fully accept any consequences created by your actions. Responsibility is not blame, as blame is associated with fault, whereas responsibility denotes authorship. Blame carries guilt and negative feelings; responsibility brings the relief of not having to doge the full truth anymore and releases the guilt. Blame is stagnant; responsibility propels you forward and onward to your greater good.
- release - act of letting go. There will be times in life when you will need to let go of certain self-beliefs that hold you back from creating your own reality. Also emotions like anger, negative memories, situations such as a toxic relationship or a degrading job.
- courage - find the inner strength and bravery required when confronting danger, difficulty, or opposition. It takes courage to embrace the idea that what you make of your life is up to you and to actually do what you need to do. You can borrow the courage you need from other people who believe in you strongly to get you through the phases of temporary amnesia when you forget your own abilities and tenacity. Courage is learned in the moment that you take a leap of faith and take action.
- power - demonstrating ability to manifest reality. Within each of us lies a power center, and we learn to call upon this power as we set out to design our lives according to our will. power is a natural state of being - it is a force to which we are all entitied and to which we all have unlimited access. There may be times, however, when you have difficulty seeting that light within you. You may experience power leaks that rob you of your ability to identify what is robbing you of your power and patch the leaks. Power leaks come in many forms: intimidation, discouragement and disappointment, setbacks, rejection, or loss, just to name a few. The best way to patch these leaks is to look back at your earlier successes as a way to remind yourself of what you are capable of. Do things that let you experience your power - even little things- to gradually seal the leaks and rebuild your confidence.
- adventure - any experience that takes you beyond your comfort level, they expand your horizons and take you into new and exciting worlds. When you feel the aliveness of experimenting with new options and taking risks, you learn the value of adventure in your life.
- listening - actively focusing on what messages you are receiving, both verbally and nonverbally.
- trust - take a leap of faith and believe that your inner knowing is guiding you toward your greater good. Trust is the attunement of your instincts to know who and what is in your best interest, so that you may rely absolutely on the validity of your messages.
- inspiration - the moment in which the spirit within is accessed and revealed. Inspiration dawns when something in your outer world sparks a flame within you and calls forth a message. Spending time in nature, arts, literature, music can be wonderful sources of inspiration.
- faith - have faith in yourself that you will remember your truth and the knowledge stored deep within your soul. Life can be difficult, and there may be times when you cannot make sense out of it or stay afloat. These are the moments that require faith. Faith is simply believing, without any tangible proof, that although the truth may seem eclipsed at times, it does not disappear forever.
- wisdom - highest and deepest degree of knowledge, insight and understanding. Wisdom is not a state to be achieved, but rather a state to be recalled. Wisdom is not intelligence, it is the highest level of emotional, spiritual and mental evolution at which you value intuition as much as information, willingness as much as ability, and inspiration as much as knowledge. It is where you synergize your deepest understanding with your everyday actions
- limitlessness - the sense that there are no boundaries to what you can become or do. You learn it when you know that your evolution is never-ending and your potential for growth reaches to infinity. As you grew and became socialised in this world, you might have come to believe that there are boundaries that prevent you from reaching the highest levels of spiritual, emotional, or mental evoluion. However, boundaries exist only in your mind. When you are able to transcend them, you learn the lesson of limitness.
learning to love yourself
- believing in your own essential worthiness
- nurturing a healthy sense of positive self-regard and knowing in your heart that you are a valuable link in the universal chain
- actively caring for every facet of yourself
- tuning in to your own wants and needs and honoring them the exact same way you want your partnership to attend to you
- respecting, nurturing, honoring and cherishing yourself is your birthright and something you can learn
forgiving does not mean condoning a person's actions, nor rolling over and merely accepting when you have been wronged; rather, it means that you feel and work through all your feelings, and then eventually find your way back to seeing that person as someone who is human, just like you
thinking
- open mind
- method
- separate
- systematic
- sufficient
- all alternatives considered
communication
- art of effective communication
- breakdown
- crossed signals
- bending truths
- projected assumptions and expectations - need to recognize there is a gap between your expectation and the reality of the situation, then excavate the assumption underneath that expectation
- no stones in basket - telling the truth, asking for what you want
- 毛澤東
- 有了正確的觀點和正確的思想,還要有比較恰當的表達方式告訴別人。
- 經常把幾個問題放在心裏想一想,同少數人吹一吹,這是一個重要方法。
negotiation
- dealing with differences
- impasse
- disagreeing vs arguing
- win lose; win win - need to respect the other side's needs and wishes; arrive at negotiating table with a willingness to listen; focus not just on own needs; possess a sincere desire to resolve the issue and move thru the impasse
- being there, just showing up
- wake up by reminding important moments in the past
- checking in with each other - (1) everyday (2) formal
- attention
- positive - appreciation
- from negative to positive - focus on positives rather than flaws; like how you feel when you first met the other
- volunteering
- granting wishes
- nurturing
- give/take has to be balanced on both sides
- thoughtfulness
- respecting and showing respect
renewal of relationship
- spontaneity - fun, playfulness, creativity, surprise
- laughter
- reinventing reality, shifting circumstances
- cocreation
- sizzle factor, rekindling the flame
- healing hurts, forgiving, repairing broken trusts
- rituals and celebrations creating and memorializing memories
when fall in love
- temporary amnesia
- power of love
- remembering the rules
- reponse to love
- entering dreamland
- overwhelm of emotions
- maintain own identity - staying centred, securing anchors
- danger od disconnection
- remembering own essence, love youself first
- priority rules
- dd - due date of a job
- fcfs - first come, first served
- lpt - longest processing time
- pco - preferred customer order
- spt - shortest processing time
- 14 tools (morgan d jones)
- problem restatement
- restate (redefine) the problem in as many different ways as we can think of --> to broaden our perspective of a problem, help to identify central issues and alternative solutions and increase the chance that the outcome of analysis produces will fully, not partially, resolve the problem
- pitfalls - focus too vague or broad; misdirected focus; assumption driven; solution-driven
- technique - paraphase (restate the problem using different words without losing the original meaning; 180 degrees (turn the problem on its head); broaden the focus (restate the problem in a larger context); redirect the focus (boldly, consciously change the focus)
- ask why
- make them simple, positive, in active voice
- pros-cons-and-fixes
- identify positives first, examine negatives and try to fix them by converting them into positives or eliminating them altogether
- 6 steps - list all the pros; list all the cons; review and consolidate the cons, merging and eliminating; neutralize as many cons as possible; compare the pros and unalterable cons for all options; pick one option
- divergent/convergent thinking
- divergent - the more ideas, the better; build one idea upon another; wacky ideas are okay; don't evaluate ideas
- convergent - winnowing out impractical stuff and clustering ideas that are similar; select those ideas that are intuitively practical and promising
- sorting, chronologies and time lines
- make a list of relevant events and their dates, but always list the dates first
- construct a chronology, crossing off events on the list as they are included
- casual flow diagramming
- identify major factors; identify cause-and-effect relationships; characterize the relationships as direct or inverse; diagram the relationships; analyze the behavior of the relationships as an integrated system
- matrix
- decision / event tree
- a diagram that graphically shows choices and their outcomes at different junctures in alternative sequences or chains of events. Each sequence or chain of events is a separate scenario. The branches of the tree are mutually exclusive and collectively exhaustive (the alternatives at each branch incorporate all possibilities; no other options are possible at that point in the sequence or scenario). The tip of each branch marks the end of a scenario.
- steps: identify the problem; identify the major factors/issues to be addressed in the analysis; identify alternatives for each of these factors/issues; construct a tree portraying all important alternative scenarios
- weighted ranking
- ranking each item against every other
- steps: list all of the major criteria for ranking; pair-rank the criteria; select the top several criteria and weight them in percentiles; construct a weighted ranking matrix and enter the items to be ranked, the selected criteria and the criteria weights; pair-rank all of the items by each criterion, recording in the appropriate spaces the number of votes each item receives (can add a further step of assigning degree of preference e.g. (1) divide one hundred points among the items, (2) gauge relative preference of each item visually, using columns drawn on graph paper, (3) algebraic and again distribute 100 points); multiply the number of votes by respective criterion's weight; add the weighted values for each item and enter the sums in the column labeled total votes; determine the final rankings and enter them in the last column, labeled final ranking; perform a sanity check
- for a large number of items - can rank by high-medium-low
- hypothesis testing
- rank competing hypotheses by the degree to which relevant evidence is inconsistent. The faveored hypothesis is the one with the least inconsistent evidence, not the one with the most consistent evidence.
- steps: generate hypotheses; construct a matrix; list significant evidence down the left hand margin, including absent evidence; work across the matrix, test the evidence for consistency with each hypotheses, one item of evidence at a time; refine matrix by adding or rewording hypotheses, adding significant evidence relevant to any new or reworded hypotheses and test it against all hypotheses, deleting but keeping a record of evidence that is consistent with all of the hypotheses (it has no diagnostic value); work downward, evaluate each hypotheses; rank the remaining hypotheses by the weakness of inconsistent evidence. The hypothesis with the weakest inconsistent evidence is the most likely; perform a sanity check
- devil's advocacy
- believed to have originated in the roman catholic church as a means of critically examining a deceased person's qualifications for sainthood. Learned churchmen took the devil's position simply for argument's sake to challenge the rationale presented in the nomination of sainthood, the idea being that through this process the truth, perforce, would out
- the pro evidence supporting the devil's advocate's position is the con evidence opposing the prime position, and vice versa. Thus, both the prime advocate and devil's advocate can disregard nonsupportive evidence and focus entirely on the supportive.
- probability tree
- has all the attributes of a decision/event tree plus one: it enables us to analyze the entire tree and any of its elements from the perspective of probability
- when analyzing a problem or drafting a report, we should convert all probability expressions into percentiles.... but only in the analytic phase. Never use percentiles in final written products unless - and such instances are extremely rare - the numbers are based on definitive evidence and precise calculations.
- events depicted must be mutually exclusive and collectively exhaustive; the probabilities of the branches at each node must equal 1.0
- steps: identify the problem; identify the major decisions and events to be analyzed; construct a decision/event tree portraying all important alternative scenarios; assign a probability to each decision/event; calculate the conditional probability of each individual scenario; calculate the answers to probability questions relating to the decisions/events
- utility tree
- to rank any number of options according to how they serve the decision maker's self-ineterest. Options are alternative courses of action. The options must be mutually exclusive. Outcomes are the sole basis for analyzing the utility of options. We measure one option against another based exclusively on what we postulate the results be from executing each option. Outcomese as a general rule should be collectively exhaustive - inclusive of all possible outcomes. perspectives are points of view with respect to outcomes and are critical in analyzing the utility of outcomes.
- steps: identify the options and all possible outcomes to be analyzed (options must be mutually exclusive but not collectively exhaustive, outcomes must be both); identify the perspective of the analysis; construct a set of decision/event trees that clearly depicts the options and outcomes. Each option is represented in a separate tree; assign a utility value to each option-outcome combination-each scenario- by asking the utility question; ask the probability question; enter the expected values for each option and enter the sums in another column labeled "total ev"; rank the expected values from first to last, adding yet another column; sanity check
- utility matrix
- steps: identify the options and outcomes to be analyzed; identify the perspective of the analysis; construct a utility matrix; assign a utility value of 0 to 100 to each option-outcome combination - each cell of the matrix - by asking the utility question; assign a probability to each outcome; determine the expected values by multiplying each utility by its probability and then adding the expected values for each option; determine the ranking of the alternative options; sanity check
- advanced utility analysis
planning
- steps: identify the options and outcomes to be analyzed; identify the perspective of the analysis; construct an identical utility matrix for each perspective; from each matrix's particular perspective, assign a utility value of 0 to 100 to each option-outcome combination - each cell of the matrix - by asking the utility question; assign a probability to the outcome of each option-outcome combination; compute the expected values for each option-outcome combination; add expected values for each option and enter the totals in the "total EV" column; construct a single "merged" matrix with the same options as in the perspective matrices; enter opposite each option the total expected values for that option from the perspective matrices; multiply the total EVs under each perspective by the perspective's weight; add the resulting products (weighted evs) for each option and enter the sums in the "total weight ev" column; rank the options - the one with the greatest total weighted ev is the preferred option; sanity check
- similar steps for multiple classes of outcomes
- when planning for a year - sow corn; when planning for a decade - plant trees' when planning for a lifetime - train and educate people
survival
- beware
- speed trap, pressure to go fast
- 除了沙漠,凡有人群的地方,都有左、中、右,一萬年以後還會是這樣 (毛澤東)
- tackle timely and do not evade
- focus on the issue
- suitable time, place, method to handle
- do not drag on who's right or wrong
- respect each other's feelings
- help those who thrive by creating conflicts
- regular meals, sufficient sleep
- know your limits
- quiet time
- time to relax
- treasure own time and space - learn to say no to others
- respect own feelings
- manage relationships with other people
- accept reality but never give up
- reward yourself
- try to plan ahead
- exercising
time management
- time wasters - phone calls; emergencies; no target, priorities and planning; unexpected guests; low efficiency mandate; too many work at once; too many meetings; no organisation skills; don't know how to say no; no self discipline; procrastination; untrained staff; insufficient information or delay; paperwork and adminstrative hurdle; stop working before job done
- review time usage and list reasons for wasting time
- analyse what must be done, what must not and what other people can do
- steps - set a target; list tasks to be done (work on important ones first); set time limit; set order
- methods - ignore the irrelevant, refuse to do the unimportant; finish the task the first time; delegate; desk only have a) target b) work plan c) working document for the present task; handle paperwork once; allow sufficient time for unexpected circumstances; "one hour" quiet time
- deal with
- unexpected guests - close door; arrange a time to meet; arrange meetings with peeople need to be met; prepare information beforehand; for boss, let him/her know you are working for the company; make sure you are doing the important thing; has to be tough
- phone calls - time to return phone calls e.g. noon/before leaving office; prepare information beforehand; make shifts to receive calls
getting ahead by going bakcward
- leap of faith
- understand what skill gap you aer trying to fill
- run toward something positive rather than away from something negative
- embrace the intrinsic rewards
- have a safety net
- don't move for emotional reasons
- it's never too late to transition
- watch your step
- factors to consider - are you learning a new skill? are you running to or running away? are your rewards intrinsic or extrinsic? Do you have a safety net? what is your financial backup? are you making an emotional move? Does the move match your career stage?
- watch out for - just an "interesting opportunity"; avoidance behavior; unrealistic financial promises; burning bridges; your need to make this opportunity work; being reactive to a person or situation; having only minimum time to recover
- in your favor - you know exactly what you need; you're attracted by the challenge; you are moving towards your passion; you can easily return to old career path; you have savings available; you have planned carefully; you are early enough in your career to recover
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